How I feel in Love...

Music gives me life; allowing me to breathe in (calm) and breathe out (sanity)

Its a natural endorphin and each person has a certain singer, or group that places their heart at rest. Each song delivering different reactions through the body, touching the soul and leaving lyrics haunting the mind. Everyone can relate to music; its the connection of the universe.

I discovered my band in 2006/2007 through the game guitar hero;

Beast and the Harlot became my life anthem. My fingers couldn't get enough of the fake fret board; that song opened my mind to the possibility of new age metal.

"She's a dwelling place for demons...."

My fingers twitched. I had to hear more of their music; I was addicted. Soon my iPod had four new songs added.

Bat Country

Unholy Confessions

Trashed and Scattered

Blinded In Chains

The first becoming the theme song of my night life. The second becoming the song to which I could never get enough of; the lyrics represented my far to correctly.

Tested and Secure

They swept me off my feet, I couldn't get enough of them. I had to keep listening. It was important, their music lulled me into a dream like state, they captured my heart and it was Almost Easy.

Early 2008 came and I raced out to buy their albums, each one I could get my hands on.

I spent hours locked in my room, content at listening to the music these five men (musical genius') could produce. They started off my morning, stayed with me during school, accompanied me during homework and late night projects, and were the final things I heard when my head touched the pillow.

How can one grow tired of music of this caliber?

Every word sung or screamed touched me, rattling my bones and raising hairs on the back of my neck. They gave me goosebumps, created a knot in my stomach, and dug themselves into my heart.

Everyone needs something which can break them out of depression, something which can push them into a pit of eagerness and enjoyment. Everyone deserves to have music which they can relate to, music which they can compare their story to. They are my saviors, my knights in shining armor, my story tellers; they make me scream.

After all, we've all been lost for most of this life and need something to guide us in the right direction.

Dominos

Well, clearly, I'm an idiot. 

Over the past year, I've written 

6 blogs, 3 letters, and an entire 160 page journal (including poems, diary entries, and inner-confessions) 

Over 300 songs have reminded me of you.

365 prayers made in your name.

500 pieces of advice given to you.

3 hours of my day dedicated to you.

300 minutes waiting for you to start communication.

20 minutes each before i go to bed to reflect. 

I feel in the same trap again; 

Don't lie, 

No, No, No, No

Don't lie. 

Your my day-dream, please don't remember my face.

I don't want to keep giving you chances and in return a broken heart. 

Do you get it? No of course not. 

I'm tired of trying to catch you. 

So tired....

I want to read you that book.

Mail you those letters.

Email you the blogs. 

Forward you the songs. 

Teach you faith.

Make you understand longing. 

Let you deal with insomnia and heart-ache. 

I'm not mad; 

I have no anger left.

No strength to fight. 

I can't hold onto lies - they fall apart. 

I'm tired of crumbling beneath you.

I'm tired of trying to help myself.

I'm tired of trying to help you. 

Bad things happen to good people; 

You deserve someone fantastic

However, you will never come close to deserving me.

I can offer you so much more than you could ever share with me.

So I'll burn down, down the memories. 

You were my desire - Thought we couldn't lose it. 

(We've lost it) 

Hopeless, Clueless, Famous. 

We're a drama. 

One man's trash is anothers treasure. 

You missing out; not me.

You said it yourself; I'm cute. 

Say what you need to say. Stop holding it in.

Every last memory. 

Life is meant to be lived. 

I've learned from experience how to pick myself up.

This won't even hurt

Not even a scratch. 

Never said you loved me; 

Never said you had to try.

So I'll wear you sweater.

And give it back to you, covered in my sent.

When you wear it think of me; 

and what will never be.

And I'll tell you the truth: 

I loved you. For 5 years. 

I was dedicated - you were my everything.

I've dealt with the pain - it seemed like it would have never end.

It probably shouldn't have ended up this way.

Were we meant to be? 

Only time will tell. 

So I'll wear your sweater.

And give it back to you, covered in my sent.

When you wear it think of me; 

and what will never be.

I keep giving you chances

You keep breaking my heart.

Well that was interesting...

How exactly do you know when a male has interest in a female? 

Am I supposed to fall helplessly again - 

Will I actually mean something this time?

I'm just curious...

Are my feelings returned? 

Don't burst my bubble now...

I'm enjoying life on cloud nine.

I can't change your mind...

I see myself; broken shards reflect my inner
Calling out to you -
Help me find what I'm searching for.
These promises seem to never change

With all the closeness
With all the closeness...

Afterall, we're still the same
Take the hardest punches;
Collecting bruises as proof

Leave me in your shadows
Calling out to you;

Peace will wash over me;
Oh the plunges life can throw.

10, 000 tears behind every smile
5000 lies between your teeth
Forever, or for never

Let's watch the sunset
Cool calming ease;
Won't you please hold me?

Oh no...

Please don't tell me, we've switched places.

This isn't happening...is it? 

Are you finally dreaming? 

Are you finally singing the song? 

I should've loved you better 
I should've held you tight 
I should've been there on those long and lonely nights 
I should've read your letters 
I should've picked up the phone 
I should've stayed with you, I didn't have to go 

And if there was a way I'd do it all again 

I don't think I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 
Too late to tell you now 

Wish I could see you smile 
Wish I could hold your hand 
Wish I could go back and make you understand 
That I was caught up in a life of mistakes 
And I just ran away from you 

I don't think that I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 

I'm sorry now 
For everything I put you through 
I'm sorry now 
I see it now, we never really made it though 
I'm sorry now 

I should've loved you better 
I should've held you tight 
I should've been there 

I don't think that I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when (I don't think I ever told you) 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 

Don't think I ever told you 
Too late to tell you now 
Don't think I ever told you 
Too late to tell you now 
Yeah 
Is it too late to tell you now?

(To Late To Tell You Now - Burn Halo) 

The Swell of Emotions

Oh God please...please just let me disappear.
We're right; We're wrong.

The answers never match.
Pairings undecided.
LIAR LIAR LIAR

Thoughts dancing in my mind
How do you end the misery called life
RUNAWAY RUNAWAY RUNAWAY

What do you do when all your friends are fake?
When no one listens to you?
How does one deal with self-hate
Where do you turn when your on the verge of death

Please God, just let me disappear.
Faking happiness is harder than it seems

FrontManSaysWhat?

The people you come to care for the most, are usually the people you least expect.

The loving one who was the first person to invite you to a sleep-over.

The one who's dreams are too big for such a small town.

The boy who has difficulty expressing his emotions - and dealing with germs.

The girl who just can't decide who she is.

The younger one.

The princess. 

The girl you'd never thought you'd like.

The one who's smile brightens up the room.

And then there's the front man - 

the one who you hope is thinking of you while he's playing.