To Be Haunted

Help, I'm Alive. 

My Heart Keeps Beating like a Hammer.

Hard to be Strong 

Tough to be Tender.

-metric

And when you notice the excuse has lost its effect,

take a step in the opposite direction.

And once you've noticed truth to the situation, 

escape the lies which trapped you

And once you've cut those ties,

  free fall into the twilight zone.

upUpUP

'Sitting a top cloud number nine'

He's charming and endearing,

...and I'm comfortable.

See the Whole, not the Fragment

The distinction of human idea's and philosophies. 

Credit them. 

Give the recognition they deserve - share the limelight. 

Even slightly. 

Ask the questions, don't pose an argument.

Never has their been a need for ignorance. 

Wrong is wrong, is wrong, is wrong. 

Don't question what you're unsure of, what your insecure of. 

Give them the chance to explain.

What else can I say? 

Turn around and come back this way.

The Next Big Thing!

A post for giggles - 

To Miss Angeance. 

A film Overview; 

Characters - 

The Male - Sendhil Ramamurthy 

His Leading Lady - Ellen Page

Her 'Lady-In-Waiting' - Rachel McAdams 

The Brother - Zachary Baker 

The Lawyer - Kristen Stewart 

The Jury - Taylor Lautner 

The Confidant - Jennifer Anniston 

The Confider - Zac Efron

The Mystical Fire - Vanessa Hudgens 

Experience the Awkwardness.

Circles, Squares and Triangles.

The only thing that you will have for the rest of your mortal life is your memories.

Statement; Correct.      [At least in my mind; feel free to argue.] 

Nothing in life is permanent, especially not materialistic things. 

Today's favourite 'feel good' outfit; tomorrow's out of style trash. [Not permanent.]

Your chosen career path which brings about wealth and happiness; Retirement. [Not permanent.]

Your family and friends whom you love dearly; Distance and Death. [Not permanent.] 

Your home which you've worked so hard to create and establish; Natural Disaster, Repossession, Moving, Divorce... [Not permanent.] 

Do you see what I'm getting at? Nothing in this world last forever other than the memories of the times you've created and the people who have become have taken the center stage and accepted their secondary roles in your life. The laughs, the tears, hopes and fears. The loved, the lost, and the unexpected; every significant event is recorded in our mind and available for play back at any given moment.  [Permanent.]

Not everything, nor everyone has a fairy tale ending. Not everyone will grow up to marry their highschool sweet heart, have two fantastic children, with the career they've always dreamed of. Some people will have nothing, as hard as that is to say, except their memories. No significant other, not children, no dream job; perhaps their working to meet ends meat, maybe they're not working at all. 

Life becomes to hard to handle, and we don't know how to react. Sit back, relax, and press play in your mind. Remember the good times, the bad, and the lessons you've learned along the way. Remember the bruises you've collected and the scars that will continue to prove as a form of education; a push in the right direction. Reconnect with your childhood, laugh at the awkwardness adolescents brought, savour young adult hood, and relish every moment you've had alive on this earth as it has shaped you into the person you are today. 

No matter what happens; you always have the ability to change your life for the better. Fix things, make them suited to your life style. Don't give up; think to the past and allow it to positively influence your future. 

When life throws you lemons, don't make lemonade; throw them back and insist on orange juice.

How I feel in Love...

Music gives me life; allowing me to breathe in (calm) and breathe out (sanity)

Its a natural endorphin and each person has a certain singer, or group that places their heart at rest. Each song delivering different reactions through the body, touching the soul and leaving lyrics haunting the mind. Everyone can relate to music; its the connection of the universe.

I discovered my band in 2006/2007 through the game guitar hero;

Beast and the Harlot became my life anthem. My fingers couldn't get enough of the fake fret board; that song opened my mind to the possibility of new age metal.

"She's a dwelling place for demons...."

My fingers twitched. I had to hear more of their music; I was addicted. Soon my iPod had four new songs added.

Bat Country

Unholy Confessions

Trashed and Scattered

Blinded In Chains

The first becoming the theme song of my night life. The second becoming the song to which I could never get enough of; the lyrics represented my far to correctly.

Tested and Secure

They swept me off my feet, I couldn't get enough of them. I had to keep listening. It was important, their music lulled me into a dream like state, they captured my heart and it was Almost Easy.

Early 2008 came and I raced out to buy their albums, each one I could get my hands on.

I spent hours locked in my room, content at listening to the music these five men (musical genius') could produce. They started off my morning, stayed with me during school, accompanied me during homework and late night projects, and were the final things I heard when my head touched the pillow.

How can one grow tired of music of this caliber?

Every word sung or screamed touched me, rattling my bones and raising hairs on the back of my neck. They gave me goosebumps, created a knot in my stomach, and dug themselves into my heart.

Everyone needs something which can break them out of depression, something which can push them into a pit of eagerness and enjoyment. Everyone deserves to have music which they can relate to, music which they can compare their story to. They are my saviors, my knights in shining armor, my story tellers; they make me scream.

After all, we've all been lost for most of this life and need something to guide us in the right direction.

Dominos

Well, clearly, I'm an idiot. 

Over the past year, I've written 

6 blogs, 3 letters, and an entire 160 page journal (including poems, diary entries, and inner-confessions) 

Over 300 songs have reminded me of you.

365 prayers made in your name.

500 pieces of advice given to you.

3 hours of my day dedicated to you.

300 minutes waiting for you to start communication.

20 minutes each before i go to bed to reflect. 

I feel in the same trap again; 

Don't lie, 

No, No, No, No

Don't lie. 

Your my day-dream, please don't remember my face.

I don't want to keep giving you chances and in return a broken heart. 

Do you get it? No of course not. 

I'm tired of trying to catch you. 

So tired....

I want to read you that book.

Mail you those letters.

Email you the blogs. 

Forward you the songs. 

Teach you faith.

Make you understand longing. 

Let you deal with insomnia and heart-ache. 

I'm not mad; 

I have no anger left.

No strength to fight. 

I can't hold onto lies - they fall apart. 

I'm tired of crumbling beneath you.

I'm tired of trying to help myself.

I'm tired of trying to help you. 

Bad things happen to good people; 

You deserve someone fantastic

However, you will never come close to deserving me.

I can offer you so much more than you could ever share with me.

So I'll burn down, down the memories. 

You were my desire - Thought we couldn't lose it. 

(We've lost it) 

Hopeless, Clueless, Famous. 

We're a drama. 

One man's trash is anothers treasure. 

You missing out; not me.

You said it yourself; I'm cute. 

Say what you need to say. Stop holding it in.

Every last memory. 

Life is meant to be lived. 

I've learned from experience how to pick myself up.

This won't even hurt

Not even a scratch. 

Never said you loved me; 

Never said you had to try.

So I'll wear you sweater.

And give it back to you, covered in my sent.

When you wear it think of me; 

and what will never be.

And I'll tell you the truth: 

I loved you. For 5 years. 

I was dedicated - you were my everything.

I've dealt with the pain - it seemed like it would have never end.

It probably shouldn't have ended up this way.

Were we meant to be? 

Only time will tell. 

So I'll wear your sweater.

And give it back to you, covered in my sent.

When you wear it think of me; 

and what will never be.

I keep giving you chances

You keep breaking my heart.

Well that was interesting...

How exactly do you know when a male has interest in a female? 

Am I supposed to fall helplessly again - 

Will I actually mean something this time?

I'm just curious...

Are my feelings returned? 

Don't burst my bubble now...

I'm enjoying life on cloud nine.

I can't change your mind...

I see myself; broken shards reflect my inner
Calling out to you -
Help me find what I'm searching for.
These promises seem to never change

With all the closeness
With all the closeness...

Afterall, we're still the same
Take the hardest punches;
Collecting bruises as proof

Leave me in your shadows
Calling out to you;

Peace will wash over me;
Oh the plunges life can throw.

10, 000 tears behind every smile
5000 lies between your teeth
Forever, or for never

Let's watch the sunset
Cool calming ease;
Won't you please hold me?

Oh no...

Please don't tell me, we've switched places.

This isn't happening...is it? 

Are you finally dreaming? 

Are you finally singing the song? 

I should've loved you better 
I should've held you tight 
I should've been there on those long and lonely nights 
I should've read your letters 
I should've picked up the phone 
I should've stayed with you, I didn't have to go 

And if there was a way I'd do it all again 

I don't think I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 
Too late to tell you now 

Wish I could see you smile 
Wish I could hold your hand 
Wish I could go back and make you understand 
That I was caught up in a life of mistakes 
And I just ran away from you 

I don't think that I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 

I'm sorry now 
For everything I put you through 
I'm sorry now 
I see it now, we never really made it though 
I'm sorry now 

I should've loved you better 
I should've held you tight 
I should've been there 

I don't think that I ever told you what you meant to me 
As I remember when (I don't think I ever told you) 
You pulled me back, you got my head on straight 
Can I get back to you somehow? 
Is it too late to tell you now? 

Don't think I ever told you 
Too late to tell you now 
Don't think I ever told you 
Too late to tell you now 
Yeah 
Is it too late to tell you now?

(To Late To Tell You Now - Burn Halo) 

The Swell of Emotions

Oh God please...please just let me disappear.
We're right; We're wrong.

The answers never match.
Pairings undecided.
LIAR LIAR LIAR

Thoughts dancing in my mind
How do you end the misery called life
RUNAWAY RUNAWAY RUNAWAY

What do you do when all your friends are fake?
When no one listens to you?
How does one deal with self-hate
Where do you turn when your on the verge of death

Please God, just let me disappear.
Faking happiness is harder than it seems

FrontManSaysWhat?

The people you come to care for the most, are usually the people you least expect.

The loving one who was the first person to invite you to a sleep-over.

The one who's dreams are too big for such a small town.

The boy who has difficulty expressing his emotions - and dealing with germs.

The girl who just can't decide who she is.

The younger one.

The princess. 

The girl you'd never thought you'd like.

The one who's smile brightens up the room.

And then there's the front man - 

the one who you hope is thinking of you while he's playing.

Just contemplating

Happy Birthday To You

She was radiant - shining 

Enjoying every moment of it, soaking up the happiness

Happy Birthday To You 

Twirling and dancing

Smile spread wide across her lips

Happy Birthday Dearest 

You didn't pay her one compliment - but she didn't complain

She watched you hoping you we're enjoying yourself

Happy Birthday To You

She had no idea what you thought

She didn't know you had whispered to her sister; "Her friend looks really hot."

NEW TOY!

Oh, I think I've found  new addiction and its name is Mac. 

Just recently purchased the Apple Macbook (yes, I'm bringing you this update from my baby as we speak!) and it is amazing! I mean, costly yes, but well worth it! 

Thank you Josh, Alex and John for pushing me to get it

and thank you Apple for creating it! 

Yes, it is 1:00 am, Tuesday morning, and I am still online just goofing around with a lovely piece of hardware! 

God bless Apple and all its products...

So these are the facts

Don't you love birthday season? Its a time where I sit and contemplate...-

Congratulations! You've been alive for one more year and in that time, these are all the mistakes you have made! But don't worry, fotunately for you, we have given you ANOTHER year to screw up! FREE OF CHARGE!

-...I don't enjoy this time of year. Something always manages to go wrong. Someone always manages to forget. I hurt, I bleed and then I think, maybe I don't want another year maybe I shoud just end it...-

No refunds or exchanges. Warantity good for ONE year!

-...What a romantic way to meet death. Exit the same way you came in...-

Please enjoy this year and we do hope to see you again in the future! Thankyou for shopping in hell!

-...but of course propper young ladies musnt think such things.

Breathe In - Contract - Breathe Out

Someone help me, I'm suffocating.
Lungs don't remember how to work - recall how to push the blood to my head.
Circulate.Circulate.Circulate.Pause.Circulate.Pause.Pause.Pause.....



Life's a bitch, and then you die.

Like one thousand hummings birds

It was like someone punched me in the stomach, the feeling of nausea was suddenly present. It was the realization that I may return his feelings; It was the knowledge that I had hurt another. It was the acceptance of my past blunders, and the regret of knowing there were more to come.

Secrets make enemies, secrets take lives.

The new girl in town thinks she's got it all figured out - thinks she knows everything there is to know.

One little thing sends humanity spiraling downwards, while another shoots empathy through the heart.
Everyone has a secret.
Everyone has guilt.
Try to find safety in the middle of no-mans land. Laughs become lies, life becomes hollow. Listen to the voices, calling out.
Plea's of insanity.
Cries of hate.

She thought she knew it all - small town girl living in a big new world. Little boy doesn't understand the cruelty running through her head.

Escapes are easier planed than preformed. Addiction is harder everyday (what exactly is there to be addicted to....) Turn away, turn your back and run.

She's moving on again. New place in the world to visit, new lives to corrupt. Hidden sanctuary brought with her, hopes and dreams all packed up. She'll drown herself in the mirror.
Alone, alone in the mirror.

Somebody Take Me

I want to run away there.
Live.Laugh.Breathe.Love.
I'd leave everything behind.
Chase Me.Chase Me.Chase Me.
I'm going to live there - even for a small amount of time.
Too many influences. Too much beauty. Too much of what I want...-
-...all in one place.

Its a love story?

'And I said, "Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you, but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think..."




-Taylor Swift

Tonight as you close your eyes and pray for a better life...

Give me your attention,
Looking into what seems an eternity away

Life and death is just a game
you can’t have the pleasure without the pain

Small steps, stuttering words
take everything a day at a time

Can this be labeled as an accident?
Was it all a cursed chain of events?

We’ll blame each other
Till we realize its not worth our while

Stay the way we are
Stopping the transformation

At no time can we gain control